Semi-Retarded AI

Economist Cartoon - 13th July 2006

2006-07-17T11:16:00.000Z

10 Dimensional World

2006-07-16T14:10:00.000Z

Check out this site - it describes the all the dimensional worlds up to 10 dimensions. Very Interesting.

Also available in text format.

emurse.com

2006-07-15T12:03:00.000Z

I found this new site - emurse.com.

Instead of worrying about attaching your CV to emails or hosting a CV on your own dodgy blog/website, you can just use emurse.com - Get your own assigned page (yourname.emurse.com), receive feedback and edit whenever necessary.

Just to get further info, I contacted them:

> HI,
>
>
>
> Would it be possible to upload my existing CV already in word format?
>
>
>
> Also, are graphics possible? Such as the MCSE logo (Microsoft
> Certified Systems Engineer) which Microsoft allows permission to use
> once fully qualified.

Reply:

Of course! Just sign up and choose the existing format. Graphics is hit or miss depending on how you are including them (if for layout or like you said MCSE logo) but 99% of the time it works perfectly. I would suggest uploading it and trying it out, I think you will be pleasantly surprised. I would also recommend creating an emurse style resume that will give you a ton more options and features and can even allow you to get feedback on your resume.

Enjoy the service if you have any questions just let us know.

Gavin
emurse.com

UFO Images from Wembley

2006-07-14T10:47:00.000Z

UFO(ool)...

Microsoft Private Folder 1.0

2006-07-14T05:52:00.000Z

Microsoft release Priavte Folder 1.0 for XP. Allows a password protected folder to be added to Windows. I have yet to check it out, but it seems to install fine.

Download here.

P.S. - The link will only dload the software when using IE, so no Firefox (this is MS after all.)

RipIt4Me

2006-07-12T15:02:00.000Z

Click the pic above to go through to the RipIt4Me website - the latest "freeware utility that helps you backup your copy protected DVDs".

Voiceless dental bilabially trilled affricate

2006-07-12T13:30:00.000Z

The Voiceless dental bilabially trilled affricate is one of the world's rarest sounds, as spoken by some almost extinct Amazonian languages. you can listen to it here.

Monkey Bodyguard

2006-07-06T11:37:00.000Z

All I can say is that this monkey has got skills...

Attractive Woman

2006-07-05T11:56:00.000Z

"Keep the TV but change the station"

- when an attractive woman has a dire intellect.

(happy beast?)

Newspapers

2006-07-02T18:13:00.000Z

Found this really cool site - you can check all the daily front pages of almost all the newspapers in the world. It's great for seeing national reactions to World Cup teams.

Japan Rap

2006-06-28T09:59:00.000Z

The following video is some Japanese rap I found - check out the rapper saying "Bee-atch" at about the 58 second mark - that made me laugh and laugh and laugh.

BRAJILIA

2006-06-21T16:40:00.000Z

An extended family member showing their allegiance to a certain team:

Areyou a psychopath?

2006-06-06T20:00:00.000Z

Are YOU a Psychopath? This is a story about a girl.

While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much the dream guy that she was searching for that she fell in love with him immediately.

However, she never asked for his name or number and afterward could not find anyone who knew who he was.

A few days later the girl killed her own sister.

Question: Why did she kill her sister?

First, find your own answer to this question.

Then, check out below for the answer.

Answer: She reasoned that if the guy appeared at her mother's funeral, then he might appear another family funeral.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered correctly.

Down Syndrome Dolls

2006-06-02T14:07:00.000Z

I found this site (www.downsyndromedolls.com, believe it or not) selling a range of Down Syndrome Dolls.

It is just me or does anyone else find this slightly spooky and corrupted?

Cool Pic

2006-05-25T18:52:00.000Z

Check this out - very cool!

Flannimals

2006-05-22T17:55:00.000Z

Take a look at this performance artist moron who has a skill for producing animals out of himself using household items. I found this hilarious/creepy. (The frog is the best)

Corrupted

2006-05-17T17:07:00.000Z

McDonalds begin advertising in India.
At times like these, I am proud of India's child mortality rate...

Caught Again

2006-04-19T13:43:00.000Z

The Beast has been caught again on his trail of infection.

McMunchies

2006-04-09T14:14:00.000Z

Kim Jong Il

2006-04-08T23:41:00.000Z

Speaking of nuclear weapons, there is one guy that is a Rock Star - Kim Jong Il.

He's rocking the 700 carat stud, Goochi shades and "Wun Biwwion Nucwear Warheads" (a reference to "Team America")...

India and the Nuclear Agreement with USA

2006-04-05T15:15:00.000Z

I'm getting political on yo ass now!

My belief is that a Nuclear agreement between the Great Satan and The Nation of Outsource is NOT a good idea.

India is a filled with hot-headed individuals that will not think twice to use these 'nukleear bepunj' (thats code for 'nuclear weapons').

BTW - Blogger Lords, my CPU is of Indian origins (therefore that makes this blog entry ok)

Bride of Beast

2006-04-02T15:23:00.000Z

I have sourced further images of the Beast.

With the Dead Sea at dark frequency and the Moon of Offal in prime ascendency, it seems it is time for the Beast to find a victim to inject with his soil-munching children of yeast.

He has found a victim (out of his league, I might add) to fill with his gaggle.

Something needs to be done - but it won't be me (poor lady)!

retardobot is back

2006-04-02T00:38:00.000Z

Yay!!!!

My systems have come online after being violated by RoboNanny.

I had to attend a digital fantasy hearing by Blogger in order to plead my freedom of speech.

It was a strictly Geek-Costume affair (I forgot to invite you PJA, my bad).

Anyway, after a delicious digimeal of Mordor Warthog and Snozzcumbers, I had to make a passionate type-up of my right to free speech (via pirated Photoshop software).

The Blogger GayLords were at first not impressed - they argued fatwas are not good for the image of a community of such well-rounded M&S-dressed hermits.

I laughed (getting carrot juice on my Alan Hansen red V-neck). I had something that could make the Devil (related to the Beast - his distant cousin, twice removed, bloodline through Damien) eat his faeces to wash the image from his body.

I finally got them round by showing them the Holy JPEG - an image of the Beast's BSC (back, sack and crack) - threatening to bomb all blogs with this image if they did not give in.

They saw the image... a tear of blood swelled in their retinas... Upper Earth had to be protected.

Anyways, long story cut short, I'm back!

P.S. - F**K all the Blog Flaggers out there - I am going to place your mothers' faces on frying pans next time you try this S**T! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

McShite

2006-04-02T00:34:00.000Z

I took this picture at a local McDonalds toilet.

Now thats a Golden Nugget!

and another one

2006-04-02T00:32:00.000Z

The Evil Empire

The Iraq War

2006-03-29T17:30:00.000Z

The Eye-Rack war.... as it should have been.

HOHOHO - I'm so goddamn funny!

(£20k worth of image software and retardobot is set for life)

McDonalds In The Middle-East

2006-03-28T22:34:00.000Z

Images found of McDonalds PR and advertising plans for the Middle-Eastern market - they are going for the religious aspect.

From this:
To this:

It follows on from my previous post (March 05) about McDonalds foray into the Middle-East.

If any Middle-East ad agencies would like to hire (or behead) me, please e-mail me asap.

Regards

P.S. - My life is now over - with Photoshop on my side I have lost all sense of decency. Thanks.

McBadge

2006-03-28T16:18:00.000Z

Not much I can say, really.

The Yes Men

2006-03-28T13:45:00.000Z

For those that don't know, The Yes Men are a bunch of anti-corporate pranksters who attend seminars and meetings pretending to be part of large organisations - such as the WTO.

The like to call it 'Identity Correction' - with the aid of seriously insane powerpoint slides and business concepts.

I watched the DVD on the weekend and it was very inspiring - I want to try something like this!

Anyway, a relevant section can be seen here. The Yes Men unveil a concept that truly captures the essence of fast-food and corporate megalomania. Enjoy.

McGimp

2006-03-25T00:34:00.000Z

The McGimp (Kiran)

A seedier, submissive form of underground McCulture...

The Beast In a Kinder Egg!?!

2006-03-24T21:26:00.000Z

Having received a Kinder Egg toy today, I began to play with it.

Designed by a moron (it's called Captain Snail and had an accompanying fact sheet), its eyes would pop out as its face crumpled when moving along. I obviously found this very funny.

BUT, I could feel the dark side beginning to enter my consciousness. Something was not right with this toy...

Something made me decapitate this creature and expose its Central Nervous System.

Evil images began to enter my mind - I was forced to turn the mask inside-out, to reveal a... HIDDEN LATEX GIMP MASK!!!

My worst fears have been confirmed - The Beast has now entered our childrens blood streams.

I just hope that I have released this information in time.

Please wrap your kids in foil, give them "Don't talk to Stangers" pencils (in fact give them 2) and a paracetomol. This may just be avoided...

Regards,

Retardobot

Banking Career Poem

2006-03-21T21:42:00.000Z

I want to work in a bank,

Peferrably in the Liquidation rank.

Acquisitions dept. is a bad idea,

Unless I wanna get covered in love tears.

Pedro McManus, "Tales from A Basque Sperm Bnk", (McGraw-Hill) 1958.

Indian Book Digitiser

2006-03-18T23:12:00.000Z

Announcing the latest idea I presented as a business plan... The INDIAN (InterNational DIgitisAtioN device).

Take 1 Indian, seal in a box, enter food and wait for digitised outcome...

What not to think: Living in end times

2006-03-18T20:41:00.000Z

What not to think: Living in end times

Counting the Mango Money

2006-03-18T15:46:00.000Z

The Beast I know is counting his Mango profits...

Shifty McMuncher

2006-03-18T15:44:00.000Z

Very Shifty in McDonalds - this may need to be sent to Jane too!

Please sund recurring images of this McTerrorist to me please.

2006-03-18T14:34:00.000Z

Gary Glitter can
come be my baby sitter
when I see fit - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2006-03-09T23:27:00.000Z

no more delays on
the tube if you are darkly
suited and booted

2006-03-09T22:09:00.000Z

Geek cyber loving is a-coming, babyyyyyyyy!

*patterned jumper not included

2006-03-08T19:44:00.000Z

definition of
a definition remains
so hard to define

Indian Call Centre - Philips New Phone

2006-03-08T12:58:00.000Z

Philips have announced a new telephone updated to deal with the use of Indian call centres by British companies. Philips believe it will tap into a very optimistic market.

The new phone will be targeted at the burgeoning bitter, Middle-England, Maypole segment.

The system will be redesigned with some of the following features:

"Press star-key to connect to a dark-y" dedicated button
A button to send limitless offensive remarks
A VSR (voice speed reduction) system - will automatically make the users speech slower, dumber and more patronising, saving the Englishman the trouble
and a highly sought after ppTM (putt-ding Translation Matrix) - a translating service to convert the high speed, multi-syllabic voices to propa' English (via an Estonian-based translation service - analysts predict teething problems)

Philips would be pleased to view any further suggestions/comments via this blog...

2006-03-08T12:55:00.000Z

end infinity
by putting in another
zero after one

Dirty Pretty Things

2006-03-08T00:29:00.000Z

The Beast I know keeps on taking pictures of himself and sending them to me...

Absolutlely filthy!!!
(though the pictures will get me through lonely sea voyages).

Take a look for yourself.

(Not suitable for children: Permanent mental scars my be afflicted)

Gadget Bodily Harm

2006-03-07T23:37:00.000Z

Dark Night in Megaolpolis 56

You're walking down the road the road

Listening to your implanted MP3/video/computer/air-freshner device

Illuminating the path with your retina goggles

WHEN suddenly a man appears

And rams a device in your rear quarters

"DAMN, I'm infected by a USB Clam"

Those lil' suckers have a grip that herniates

The futures bright...

Arab Singer

2006-03-07T12:21:00.000Z

The latest Arab singing* sensation to take over the world is Mukthar "Destroyer" Williams. Check his latest album:

I'm Set to Timer, Baby!
To Infidel and Back
The Sign From Palestine
Halal-ejuh
Look - No Hands!
Don't Go Losing Your Head
I've Circumsized The World (But I Can't Find My Baby)
American Idiot (Remix)
Babylon (Belongs to Us!)
Allah-uv You Girl!
Boom! Shake The Room! (Cover)

Out Now At a Crazy Preacher near you!

*singing is a sin - album in spoken word fromat

Small Poem

2006-03-06T22:31:00.000Z

I was playing with my son in the street

but then i realised i don't have a son

who's child? oh dear!

i heard sirens down the street...

McDonalds and "The War On Terror" ™

2006-03-05T17:15:00.000Z

McDonalds have highlighted plans at the latest McAGM meeting to develop further growth by focussing on the Middle-Eastern sector.

"This will involve bulldozing several hundred thousand Arab homes and creating many multi-level McIsraels. We will see our profits McTriple over a 7 quarter percentile forecast thingy", one leading McDirector told this blog.

New additions to the menu include:

McJihad burgers
McFury ice-creams
Ricin cakes
McFatwa Happy Meals - made from 100% Jewish extracts

New slogan is - "Allah-vin' it!" (I am very pleased with that one - hehehehehe!)

This Semi-Retarded AI has begun devloping future strategy scenarios for McDonalds Arabian adventure:

The picture below shows a "McTerrorist" - taking over from Ronald McDonald (since happiness is banned in the Middle-East - see Sharia Law)
This AI engine suggests McDonalds reserve £100 squillion for law suits!

Thank God for Capitalism!

American Tourists

2006-03-05T16:28:00.000Z

I was wasting time on the internet and found this picture.

American tourists seem to be everywhere - I mean, where the hell is he right now? He's posing with men that cover their dignities with carrots - and it all seems to 'touristy' to the American!

'Yee-hah, wait till I show my buddies these pics!"...

Always the same:

cap,
smart shirt
dodgy shorts
white socks
smart black shoes

He seems to be posing with two indiginous people - and he doesn't give a shit!

Whereas, the other two indigineous men are in a state of shock and staying as still as possible to prevent the 'Eye' from stealing their souls!

Americans seem to have no measure of empathy wherever they go...

Pics

2006-03-05T00:03:00.000Z

Obese Children

2006-03-04T18:34:00.000Z

I dislike Obese people, but I especially despise Obese kids - I'm fed up, and so are they!

These children are usually the most annoying ones:

they consume the most oxygen and food
they emit the most greenhouse emissions
they poullte the air with shrill, snorting little voices
they block the goddamn sewers with 3 tonnes of Happy Meal faeces

My plan is this:

Airlift and Drop these little Cannonballs over the Sudan region in Africa and they can be consumed to feed the masses (Operation 'Drop the Fatties')
Enter children into Death Wrestling (pic) - one child has to die, hence effectively halving consumption and world emissions. (my money's on Kid Gumbo (blue)).

Any other suggestions welcome...

Librarians

2006-03-04T18:22:00.000Z

Here is my profile of librarians:

Male

Poor hygiene
Hairy
Flys always undone
Stained brown trousers, brown stripey tie and brown triple-decker Delux NHS specs
Speech impediment
An scent of book moths
Pasty faces
Inability to communicate

Female

Poor hygiene
Hairy
Flys always undone
Stained brown trousers, brown stripey tie and brown triple-decker Delux NHS specs
Speech impediment
An scent of book moths
Pasty faces
Inability to communicate

Please feel free to add to the list...

Exfoliation - MEN?!?

2006-03-04T01:11:00.000Z

Found out today that exfoliation is "the cleaning of the pores of the skin blah blah"... from a L'Oreal Marketer - he even recommended BioTherm above (sounds like a disease).

Bollocks!

Exfoliation is the the ex (removing) of foliage (growth - from dictionary.com).

Hence, exfoliation --> removal of hair!

That is undeniable mathemenglish proof!

WOMEN HAVE GOT IT WRONG... god believes me.

I am intrigued to see how many other men think this too - L'Oreal have their work cut out if they want to convert the Brotherhood of Cavemen.

Anyway, I'm off to cleanse, tone and moisturise... my ass!

Bill Gates

2006-03-01T15:53:00.000Z

Bill Gates... "I am MicroSoft through and through...Micro & Soft, Soft & Micro... from head to toe..."

Melinda Gates... "... and in the mid-region, but that's not an i$$ue in our marriage"

Bill Gates... "?"

Bill Gates

2006-03-01T15:39:00.000Z

Bill Gates (from side of mouth)... "Melinda, this is the last feckin' time we use Microsoft software on the IVF systems..."

Bill Gates

2006-03-01T15:26:00.000Z

Bill Gates... "wait, wait, and then I said, 'Steve (Jobs), let me show you what a real Hard Drive looks like... eh, eh! How you like them Apples™, Steve?'.

Bill Gates

2006-03-01T15:21:00.000Z

Bill Gates... "Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh, I know what you thinking, the jacket is the shit, right?"

Bill Gates

2006-03-01T15:16:00.000Z

Bill Gates... "HOW"
Indian... "We're Indians, not Injuns! Dickhead, hehehehehehe"

Test Message

2006-02-27T20:50:00.000Z

One Mean Pussy

2006-02-27T20:40:00.000Z

This mean car boutta put a cap in yo ass, fool!

Just don't call him a pussy...

A special message for my friends...

2006-02-27T20:30:00.000Z

Who says 21st Century Philosophy is dead?

Beast's Lair

2006-02-27T20:23:00.000Z

Please visit my Friend's Blog.
http://fairenuff.blogspot.com

He allowed me to take this picture of him working out in the gym.

How to warp the Space-Time Continuum...

2006-02-27T20:20:00.000Z

These will warp the space-time continuum - but only in your tiny little mind.

India Vision

2006-02-26T20:59:00.000Z

The year is 2009AD...

India has since long fizzled out and become sludgy mess, like a Curry Aftershock -
becoming a post-Apocalyptic nation of Indian-manufactured retarded Germanic Robots sent back in time all claiming to be friends of "Saiah CON-nah" and possessing “Neural Net ProcessAHs – LUUrning computAHS”. India has a threatening arsenal of Nuclear Call-Centres (despite a threatening fist shake action from UN Director Chris Martin). India now Sponsored by Microsoft.

Predictably, India has fallen in Google’s world tourism and spiritual rankings.

China Vision

2006-02-26T20:58:00.000Z

The year is 2009AD...

China decided it was time to really become an active world citizen, and then announced "Ha, we kidding looooong time!" at the "Fuck America + World - Rainbow Convention" sponsored by China, for the G12 countries.

Africa Vision

2006-02-26T20:56:00.000Z

The year is 2009AD...

The destructive powers of flooding have caused damage to the agricultural plains of Africa INC. (now a full-time continent/company of concert promoters - they thought "fuck it, Geldoffs a bitch - lets get some for ourselves!") - all culminating in causing the World's GDP to drop to a pitiful $7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (despite the 30% help from The Bill Gates Fund).

Images of the Future - from a Futurist Expert

2006-02-26T20:28:00.000Z

The year is 2009AD...

The world is reeling from the after effects of Economic Meltdown, World War 4, Climate Change, Bird Fluaids, Googleistan, lack of raw materials, mass immigration and the rapidly expanding population of killer bees in N. America .